This is not the cup that you are looking for.
She was in for her hip.
“Anything I can do for you, Ms. _____?”
I’m only 5’ 2’’, but I had to bend over anyway to be level with her mouth. Her lips were dry, cracked, and trembling, yet they curved into what could only be a smile at my approach. Slowly, they formed a word.
“Water.” And as an afterthought, “Please.”
When I brought the styrofoam cup back to her, she stared inside for a moment before taking a sip. And then stared very hard at the leather-covered stool not a foot from the tips of my black oxfords.
Instinctively, I sat.
“Water,” she said again.
“Water?”
She gestured towards the computer screen, where her two x-rays were pulled up. There were huge metal pieces in the hip. Arthroplasty.
“This,” she pointed. “And this! Soon I won’t need the water anymore. Do you know what this means?”
- –
Turns out Ms. ______ was actually a coffee drinker. She lived down the street from a local-owned cafe that had vintage pictures of Marlene Dietrich and Mary Pickford on the walls. These ladies were her mother’s favourite. And Mary Pickford was Canadian, born right here in Toronto — did I know that? It actually took me a minute before I realized that I was being told a story.
“Water,” she repeated, poking at the styrofoam cup I’d given her.
She and her mother had this routine to do with water. Every morning, she took coffee and water for breakfast. She adored the coffee at the local cafe, but it was too strong for her. She asked her mother to go out, buy it, and bring it back.
“And I say, ‘Ma, remember to ask for a cup of hot water’ so I can dilute it. And she’s so happy to do this little job for me and swears she’ll have it.
“Then she goes out the door and I put the kettle on the stove. Why? Because she always forgets. And I need the hot water.
“Then she comes back with the coffee, beaming. And I’ve got this little cup of hot water to put in it. I pretend she got it for me and I never say a word about it.
“I say, ‘I love it, Ma. It’s perfect.’”
She looked away and took a breath.
“But one day there won’t be that little cup anymore. I’ll be going to the cafe myself and some stranger like you will get the water for me. And I will never say I love it again.”
- –
She was scared to death, she told me. But not about her hip.
“That’s just a part of my body.”
But, she continued, your mother is a bigger part of your body, just as you were once the most ostentatious part of hers.
Her mother had dementia, or Alzheimer’s or something like that: she couldn’t even say the word. It was bad.
She was her mother’s sole caregiver. But with her own health and mobility growing increasingly precarious, she knew she would soon have no choice but to put her closest confidante, the biggest part of her own body, in an institution.
So, yes – the water. That was the real threat. The agony. The nightmare. Now I’m afraid of it too, and I’m only the one who sat down.
- -
I definitely think it is worth wondering:
What stories are we missing?
And what/who are we really seeing? The ailment, the patient, the story, or the nightmare?
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction inspired by collective real-life experiences.